Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Shiloh
Norma Jean is a simple wife of a simple man. She seems to have accepted her life with him away. The writer carefully peels each layer of their personalities like an onion peel. She slowly gains a sense of her self through self improvement activities and we catch him losing his confidence as a man and a provider. These layers of each character build the story up as each flaw becomes visible. The characters are shown to be desperate but vunerable by their fears and the tragic realities which their lives have dealt them.
Water Liars
Barry Hannah usues a strong first person with humor and a sense of nonchalance as if nothing bothers him. But ironically everything does bother him including the loss of his wife's virginity. The character sounds as if he has command of what's happening in his life when in reality he does not. He mentions turning thirty three like Jesus then mentions vodka cocktails and trying to find the truth about sex between confessions of drunkness as if the holy spirit will reveal his sins and her sins as equal when in reality sin and religion are not one in the same. Perhaps the alcohol serves as a catholic preacher during confession but he still feels a jealousy towards her past lovers and her beauty seems to keep him from going further insane from her tresspasses.
In retrospect you see him as the older man in later years never recovering from his own drunkened ramblings about life, love and the crucifixition of sin.
In retrospect you see him as the older man in later years never recovering from his own drunkened ramblings about life, love and the crucifixition of sin.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
The Divorce Diva
The Divorce Diva
No one tells you that the process of divorce continues long after the pen dries when you sign your signature to release the other person on the dotted line. The next process is the psychological pantomime of your unspoken actions and thoughts. It takes a while to unlearn the we, the partnership, the feeling that you are never alone; always aware that when you arrive home in the evening the other will soon arrive not long after.
But that was not the case for Didee. Twentyt-two months ago she arrived home not in a new car but with a set of papers declaring her new emancipation; and an empty home. The digital clock on the wall read 5:45pm and there was just enough light for her to see past the pillars in the kitchen that separated the family room and the dining room. She decided to keep the lights off.
Twenty-two months later she still came home in the evening, preferring to keep the lights out still. "So it's just me" Didee said out loud to herself. She locked the door behind her, put down her bag and begin to unbutton her blouse. She slipped it off her shoulders and let it fall. The silk fabric barely made a sound. She threw her italian pumps forward watching them klunk themselves as they fell. She ran upstairs to her bathroom with what remained on her body, a black bra and tight pencil skirt that she found at "The Loft" years ago. Her bathroom was barely lit by the block glass windows that faced her above the garden style tub. She reached for a lighter from the blond teak draw of her bathroom vanity and lit the wick. "Umm" She said aloud as she inhaled her favorite tuberose diptyque candle. She stood on her tippy toes on the marbled, green italian tile, as she took off her remaining clothes. She ran the water, warm and sprinkled lavender flakes that soon reached her chin. She immersed herself fully under the water, She remembered the promise she kept to herself as she stood in court that fateful day. Never again would she loose herself as she did to a marriage or to a man who did not deserve her. She thought about the events of that day, months and years that led her to this point.
She cried as she inhaled slowly trying to control what could not be controlled. Her wet bob of curls looked mahogany in the candled light. At this point she felt intimacy would remain a mystery. She would never trust a man's word again, never. She got out of the tub, left the water in, and grabbed the closest towel. She decided to keep her towel on as she called her closest friend, Lisa. But she could only hear the conversation she had with Lisa the day of the divorce. She sat and replayed their exchanges.
"Hello, Lili" Didee didn't want to say anything else. She let Lisa begin.
"Hello Is it done?"
"Yes, I am officially the divorced diva" She wasn't convinced she was a diva, just divorced.
"Now listen here. I can hear it in your voice. You are a Diva, you have always been one and now you are a Divorce Diva. You hear me Diidii? She waited for an answer as if she was scolding a child.
"I hear you but this has changed me in some ways. I can't explain it but I feel really different." Diidii's tone was soft and unsure.
"of course, this has changed you. You are a single woman now. Now take a xanax and off to sleep you will go. You have a big day tomorrow, right, with that tax attorney you met at the library last week?" Lisa hesistated "And I am sure it will do you good."
"He isn't a tax attorney any more, he's a grad student slash teacher. And remember miss trophy wife, I 'm a poor grad student too!"
"Geez, you really scare me sometimes Diidii. Whatever, just enjoy and try not to think about the scum you just signed off on."
" Yah, right. ciao"
"ciao."
Lisa had been her rock . Her solace. Speaking with Lisa was her only connection to a sane world because her world felt like a lie. She felt her whole existence was a lie. She felt the world was inimical towards her. Although Diidii felt she had reached her nadir. She felt there was room for something to go amiss just the same.
Didii obediently popped her Xanax grudgingly that night. And every night for the last twenty-two months. Emotionally she felt flat, that was the side effect of Xanax. Her personality was devoid of any traits that made her recognizable to people who knew her well. Medicating herself was the only way she could function. It didn't give her time to grieve. So she found herself in this cycle; only love reared itself in an inopportune time for her in the form of Will. He found her unapologetic, unknowing that she needed him and open to interrupt her loneliness with his invitations to casual dates.
The next morning she found herself awoken to her cell phone buzzing off the side table. "hello" her voice was cracked and uneven.
"Hello, Diidii, it's Will."
"Oh, hello, one moment please." She ran into the bathroom and swigged a mouthful of listerine then spit, missing the sank and hitting the counter and floor. She ran to the bedroom and picked the cell phone back up.
" Hello, sorry for the hold, umm, how ARE you Will?" She needed to enunciate to appear awake because she wasn't and she was still nude from her bath the night before. Self-consciously she wrapped her mangled duvet around herself as if he could see her.
"Hey I know it's kind of early but I was wondering if I could swing by and bring you breakfast to celebrate your new status as my girlfriend. "
She smiled. "Sure. That sounds nice and thanks for updating me on my new status ."
"Thought you might want to be informed. See you in 45" and then he hung up.
Diidii scrambled into the shower . Under the shower head she stood aware of every drip of water that hit her head. She stood still not knowing what emotion she should wear that day. She wished the shower could baptize her and absolve the betrayal of her failed marriage. She made ablution and silently asked a higher energy to give her hope where it did not exist. She wished to feel like a girlfriend, the kind of carefree girlfriend who hangs on the shoulder of her boyfriend like someone without any baggage. The steam made her sweat and for the first time in twenty-two months she wanted to feel an erotic steam that would make her feel light headed and sexy. Diidii turned off the shower abruptly . She needed to hurry because for the first time she wanted to see Will.
"The unfamiliar odyssey" is what she refers to love or the art of finding love after a divorce. It is an unexpected.
No one tells you that the process of divorce continues long after the pen dries when you sign your signature to release the other person on the dotted line. The next process is the psychological pantomime of your unspoken actions and thoughts. It takes a while to unlearn the we, the partnership, the feeling that you are never alone; always aware that when you arrive home in the evening the other will soon arrive not long after.
But that was not the case for Didee. Twentyt-two months ago she arrived home not in a new car but with a set of papers declaring her new emancipation; and an empty home. The digital clock on the wall read 5:45pm and there was just enough light for her to see past the pillars in the kitchen that separated the family room and the dining room. She decided to keep the lights off.
Twenty-two months later she still came home in the evening, preferring to keep the lights out still. "So it's just me" Didee said out loud to herself. She locked the door behind her, put down her bag and begin to unbutton her blouse. She slipped it off her shoulders and let it fall. The silk fabric barely made a sound. She threw her italian pumps forward watching them klunk themselves as they fell. She ran upstairs to her bathroom with what remained on her body, a black bra and tight pencil skirt that she found at "The Loft" years ago. Her bathroom was barely lit by the block glass windows that faced her above the garden style tub. She reached for a lighter from the blond teak draw of her bathroom vanity and lit the wick. "Umm" She said aloud as she inhaled her favorite tuberose diptyque candle. She stood on her tippy toes on the marbled, green italian tile, as she took off her remaining clothes. She ran the water, warm and sprinkled lavender flakes that soon reached her chin. She immersed herself fully under the water, She remembered the promise she kept to herself as she stood in court that fateful day. Never again would she loose herself as she did to a marriage or to a man who did not deserve her. She thought about the events of that day, months and years that led her to this point.
She cried as she inhaled slowly trying to control what could not be controlled. Her wet bob of curls looked mahogany in the candled light. At this point she felt intimacy would remain a mystery. She would never trust a man's word again, never. She got out of the tub, left the water in, and grabbed the closest towel. She decided to keep her towel on as she called her closest friend, Lisa. But she could only hear the conversation she had with Lisa the day of the divorce. She sat and replayed their exchanges.
"Hello, Lili" Didee didn't want to say anything else. She let Lisa begin.
"Hello Is it done?"
"Yes, I am officially the divorced diva" She wasn't convinced she was a diva, just divorced.
"Now listen here. I can hear it in your voice. You are a Diva, you have always been one and now you are a Divorce Diva. You hear me Diidii? She waited for an answer as if she was scolding a child.
"I hear you but this has changed me in some ways. I can't explain it but I feel really different." Diidii's tone was soft and unsure.
"of course, this has changed you. You are a single woman now. Now take a xanax and off to sleep you will go. You have a big day tomorrow, right, with that tax attorney you met at the library last week?" Lisa hesistated "And I am sure it will do you good."
"He isn't a tax attorney any more, he's a grad student slash teacher. And remember miss trophy wife, I 'm a poor grad student too!"
"Geez, you really scare me sometimes Diidii. Whatever, just enjoy and try not to think about the scum you just signed off on."
" Yah, right. ciao"
"ciao."
Lisa had been her rock . Her solace. Speaking with Lisa was her only connection to a sane world because her world felt like a lie. She felt her whole existence was a lie. She felt the world was inimical towards her. Although Diidii felt she had reached her nadir. She felt there was room for something to go amiss just the same.
Didii obediently popped her Xanax grudgingly that night. And every night for the last twenty-two months. Emotionally she felt flat, that was the side effect of Xanax. Her personality was devoid of any traits that made her recognizable to people who knew her well. Medicating herself was the only way she could function. It didn't give her time to grieve. So she found herself in this cycle; only love reared itself in an inopportune time for her in the form of Will. He found her unapologetic, unknowing that she needed him and open to interrupt her loneliness with his invitations to casual dates.
The next morning she found herself awoken to her cell phone buzzing off the side table. "hello" her voice was cracked and uneven.
"Hello, Diidii, it's Will."
"Oh, hello, one moment please." She ran into the bathroom and swigged a mouthful of listerine then spit, missing the sank and hitting the counter and floor. She ran to the bedroom and picked the cell phone back up.
" Hello, sorry for the hold, umm, how ARE you Will?" She needed to enunciate to appear awake because she wasn't and she was still nude from her bath the night before. Self-consciously she wrapped her mangled duvet around herself as if he could see her.
"Hey I know it's kind of early but I was wondering if I could swing by and bring you breakfast to celebrate your new status as my girlfriend. "
She smiled. "Sure. That sounds nice and thanks for updating me on my new status ."
"Thought you might want to be informed. See you in 45" and then he hung up.
Diidii scrambled into the shower . Under the shower head she stood aware of every drip of water that hit her head. She stood still not knowing what emotion she should wear that day. She wished the shower could baptize her and absolve the betrayal of her failed marriage. She made ablution and silently asked a higher energy to give her hope where it did not exist. She wished to feel like a girlfriend, the kind of carefree girlfriend who hangs on the shoulder of her boyfriend like someone without any baggage. The steam made her sweat and for the first time in twenty-two months she wanted to feel an erotic steam that would make her feel light headed and sexy. Diidii turned off the shower abruptly . She needed to hurry because for the first time she wanted to see Will.
"The unfamiliar odyssey" is what she refers to love or the art of finding love after a divorce. It is an unexpected.
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